Reflections

 Someone once asked me, "Why is your junk 'stuff' and my stuff 'junk'!  This after I complained of their junk laying around on top of all my stuff!

 Now I've been trying for the better part of the last year to go through our stuff and get rid of all the junk so that it can become someone else's stuff and junk up their house!

 All this because I don't have enough things to put all the said stuff on and in. It is all still in boxes from when we moved from a three bedroom, two-bath, house where we lived for 13 years, you guessed it, accumalating stuff!

 And for some reason, it all keeps changing piles on me. "I know I put that in the junk pile – why is it back in the stuff pile?"  and "What happened to my …" "It's over in that box of junk!"

 So now I'm at it again, having to move stuff around to make an office out of the spare room full of junk, that is still mostly packed after moving. And I need to do it before winter sets in, because it's warmer in that room and I'm sick of everything the way it is now anyway. 

 Here's where creativity comes in – how to use some of your stuff in such a way to hold the rest of your stuff and then try to hide the last of your stuff, so it doesn't look like you have too much junk!

  So I didn't make the two week self-imposed feat of writing 5000 words. Amazing, but my brain couldn't take it!  But as I have some general rambling to do, I'll add it on the count. Actually it probably is more like complaints about things there is no one to make the complaint to.

  For instance brown beans – aka pinto beans – I put some on to cook, not a lot, just about two cups. I put them on to cook yesterday. They cooked all afternoon and evening; put them back on this morning and they've been cooking all day, and they're still not soft! Oh, they're done, but not soft like back home. No wonder you see them in more recipes from the south and the southwest. It's closer to sea level and things boil and cook up faster and softer. Since when have you heard of Nebraska Ranch Beans and Rice? Never, right!

 In northeast Okalahoma, you could start cooking them early in the morning, and they would be okay, but better the next day. In northeast Texas, you could start about mid-morning, and down on the Gulf, you could start them in the afternoon and still have them for supper! Up here (north Tennessee) you have to cook'em about three or four days!

  So I decide to make some instant pudding. Doing all this writing is taxing and hot and I need a quick cool snack. Notwithstanding, I gave up icecream for a while, because something in it sets off hotflashes. I took up eating frozen strawberries in cottage cheese with cool whip, ahhh, wonderful, but even more wonderful are the frozen peaches! Then I ran out of the cottage cheese and enjoyed the fruit and whipped cream. Great! Now all of that is gone and I need some kind of cool treat to beat the heat. Hence the instant pudding.

  Now, before we go on, I was wondering – just what the heck does 'notwithstanding' mean! I mean it fit in there nicely, but what exactly does it mean? I get however, hence, nevertheless, furthermore and be-as-it-may, but notwithstanding, do I get notwithstanding!

  Returning to the program already in progress: Someone (bless their heart) gave us a cheap no-name-brand box of pistachio pudding. I mix it up – it thickens up, I get a couple of bites – it unthickens! Now it's runny; even after some time in the refrigerator. So, recalling that I saw another box in there, I tried again, using the first box as part of the liquid, right – wrong, this time it didn't thicken at all! What to do? It's like sweet cold soup. Ah, I could heat it up and see if it would thicken, but then that defeats the purpose of 'instant'. Instant means now, not after cooking it and then cooling it back down, since I'm wanting a cool snack not just sweet soup!

  So back to digging – aha! Found a couple of boxes of Jell-o brand instant pudding. Nah, they're lemon flavored. Wait, here's a box of vanilla. That can be mixed with the pistachio, right? Wrong again! now yes, it's finally thick, but taste terrible! I don't recommend it at all! Yuck!

  If only I had some cool whip to put in it! Oh, well…

  Well, I'm missing the deadline! Yes, it is tonight at midnight, which is almost here and there is no way that I can write almost 2000 words in time. It's like I waited on purpose so that I would miss it. Strange, I know, but I have done everything the last two days to get out of writing, instead of finishing. I now believe that it must be called 'stress'. Yep, because now that the deadline is here, there is this relief. A sure case of sabotaging my own efforts.

  But of course, I'm going to make a really good last minute push to get some more words in. I may go ahead this week and finish my 5000 words even if it goes pass the deadline. After all, it was a first time experiment in the first place.

   So I thought I would talk about a few things I have been doing lately. Such as what books I've been reading. Ardell, author of the blog, Requisite Danger, did a comparison review between some of the James Bond books and the Bourne Trilogy, and since I loved the Bourne movies, I decided to read them. I am just finishing up the third one. And yes I really did enjoy them. Although, the language got a little strong, especially in the second book, but thankfully it was in spots and not every other word. Also a lot of the violence could be skipped over when it gets too graphic. 

  I am really glad that I watched the movies first! The movies were not like the books, which would have been disappointing if watched after reading the books. But as it were, the books being different only adds more to the story, and in some places, a totally different story, so it was great.

  Ok, drum roll please!!! At midnight I had — 3279 words! — whooohooo! Pretty good, for the first time. This is the most I have written in a consistence space of time, for probably – ever. ((My brain feels exhausted!))

  Now, I'm quitting writing for tonight and going to finish my book (the Bourne Ultimatum)! Maybe I'll think of some more words to say later! Bye…

  Well, there are only three more days of August left (at the time of this writing) and that means only three more days left to get wrote 5000 words in only ten days. (I know that sentence could probably be wrote more efficently, but all this adds to my word count.) At the moment, I have just under 3000 words. Not too bad for my first time out.

  But coming off the high that got me on this journey, I now do not want to write anything. Which of course is the purpose of this excersize, to spur you on during the times you don't want to write. And to learn to write in a more consistent fashion. Has it helped? A little. I wrote a lot for a couple of days and then skipped a couple of days, all that is fine as long as you keep going back to the writing. So where I would normally stop and not write again for weeks, until I was inspired, here I am hacking away at the keyboard. I know we all enjoy reading it more when I'm inspired – but hey, it all ends well.

  I'm really dry at this moment…I think I'll go get something to eat since I skipped supper. I'm thinking half-frozen peaches with cottage cheese (and maybe some coolwhip on top – sounds good to me).

  Oh, and it's time to go check on my virtual crops at my virtual farms. I have two of them. No, I didn't purposely start two, but now I have two. I just think of them mostly as one, and check them at the same time. And there are crops due on both to be harvested about now. I only have about 200 more words to write, before I can quit. Or maybe I can write 700 words tomorrow instead of 500.

Hmmm, maybe I can think of a long ending for this post… nope, got nothing. Maybe after I eat, my brain will have energy and think of something. So for now, you're all off the hook and can stop reading (if you made it this far!).

 I had an interesting thing happen this morning, as my husband and I were driving into town, I looked out my window and focused in on a bush in a passing yard. Then a brick mailbox, and more trees, plants, houses – but all appeared in their singular form to me and not as we usually see an entire yard or property. Wow, I realized just then they looked like they were on FarmVille or FarmTown! I was seeing them as one item, one bush set in a specific spot. Okay, I know I need to out more often! And not just virtually!

  But it is fun and opens up new worlds that otherwise we would only hear about. Epals from every country in the world with internet access. Businesses, topics, games, social events and more, all at your fingertips. New opportunities, experiences and pitfalls, as well. It really is a parallel universe of another dimension.

  Just like walking out your front door (in real time), you can travel anywhere – virtually virtually! And it's up to you how involved and how far reaching your experiences are.

  Not only can you find places to research and study just about any subject, but you can find communities and groups interacting about those subjects.

  There are not just sites about things like church, religion or Bible studies, but there are actual churches and Bible studies you can join right there online.  

  Never before has the potential for the whole world to be connected been a reality the way it is now.

  It is so much fun to visit, catch up with, see pictures of all your friends and family even when they live hundreds of miles away. It's a wonderful vehical and tool. But that's what it is. A tool, a window, a vehical, a doorway — walk circumspectively into this world. Enjoy it, make new friends, keep in touch with old friends — but remember,

  It is a real world, part of this world, those are real people out there. Yes, there are real dangers out there, as well as real opportunities, but there are real moments where you are coming in contact with real people who have real needs. Sometimes they are just as rude, or they can be just as loving as in the physical world.  After all it isn't just a game or a fantasy, the laws of life still apply. It may seem like you have all the control in your hands and that's addictive — but reality is all around you, don't get lost or hide, make the most of each world, the physical and the virtual.

  We are only pilgrims here for a season – virtually! 

  One inevitable part of living through a hyper-intense creative burst is the coming down. Like walking out of the water and onto the sand after an exhilarating ride over the crest of an ocean wave on a mere piece of wood or fiberglass! Impossible! but you did it! And now as you stagger through the sand, legs weakened and emotions falling to a sigh. Wow, could I ever do that again? And even in the joy of that heroic triumph, you struggle to get your land legs and to keep believing in that moment. Later tonight you may feel overwhelmed and doubt the sanity of it all, but in the early morning light as the waves rise, nothing will keep you from grabbing your board and running straight into that rush again. This is the creative process.

  After many years of experiencing these manic moments, one learns to identify every stage in the cycle that may run for a day, or as long as a couple of weeks. First is the incredable energy and multiple ideas running through your body and mind. The sense that nothing is an obstacle – the world is out there to be explored, discovered and conquered. The climb, the process is thrilling!  There begins an urgency to not stop until the dream is realized.

   The dream itself begins to divide and splinter into many side roads of equally brilliant conception. Don't take all of them! Target in on the strongest and most plausible and dive in headfirst. It grows and takes shape as some of the side roads get traveled anyway, leaving little bits of genius scattered on the fringes of one central creation.

  Go over the process again and again, until one feels like it is no longer the excitement that propels you, but a driving force instead pushes you toward the finishing stretch. Slowly exhaustion begins to show underneath this false sense of energy without any relief. But you continue on until the first twinges of doubt slip in under the cover of no food or rest to speak of, and the threat of exposure. Now you recognize the end is near and you are beginning to loose ground. Here is where you make your final push to ensure that the dream is realized. The down-slide continues as you hang onto lingering threads of paths untraveled, and replays of the one you did follow. Time runs out. You finally sleep, restless and unsatisfying sleep, only to awaken to the feeling of shame and fear that you are about to be found out! You are a fraud!

  This is the moment where you can go deep into fear, unbelief and remorse. Many times you continue going about your day, appearing to others as if nothing in the slightest is any different from any other day. Inside, though, it's like walls are pressing in on you from all sides and the air begins to darken. You can hit bottom – again.

  Maybe this time won't be so far down and it eases up, eventually evening out and a sort of truce is found. Separate yourself from the process and ride it out until once again there is a partial acceptance and a symblance of peace.  For a season – until an idea begins to form in the back of your mind, energy begins to flow, and a light comes on…

   The sun had already begun to set in the northern hills of middle Tennessee as I logged on to the computer one more time, eager to finish my allotted 500 words a day. I was slightly ahead of schedule, since I had about 1250 words wrote and this was only the end of the second day. But I had only eight more days in which to finish the 5,000 word requirement and I knew only too well how fleeting the muse can be.

   I wished now I had remembered to pick up that can of coffee while going down that aisle at the grocery a few days ago. I had every intention of enjoying a soothing cup of General Foods Internaltional Vienna style java. Somehow a cup of tea just didn't fit the situation tonight as I faced the keyboard. Growing up in the mid-southwest United States, you just didn't see many people having a cup of tea. It was either sweet iced tea or a cup of black coffee. Even in the middle of a hot Texas summer day, the old timers would put on a pot of coffee. That's hard time!

   Pausing to look around the room for a bit of inspiration, I wondered just how many words were in two medium size paragraphs…should I check now or go a little longer? Just then a loud noise startled me and I quickly glanced up to look out the storm door. What was that? Sounded like something landed on top of the little box trailer I called home.

   Deciding on investigating further, I got up and walked to the door and pushed it slightly open. I heard a soft rustle above my head, on the metal roof of my small covered porch, followed by scratching and scraping. Wanting to get a better look and not wanting to scare off whatever was there, I quietly stepped out onto the porch and buffered the storm door as it closed behind me. Only a few short steps and I was off the porch and out into the yard, I turned to look up just as a ….

   Well, that's 363 words added to my total makes it about 1600 – that's three days worth so I'm good to go. Guess I'll take it easy now, have a cup of hot tea to relax for the evening and start again tomorrow. Good job.

  Well, day two in the adventure of writing 500 words a day or more. And naturally I have come across some information that can change the output of my writing. But first I'll tell you the information I was focusing on when I started this project. A quote from the November's official website:

  "Because of the limited writing window, the ONLY thing that matters in NaNoWriMo is output. It's all about quantity, not quality. The kamikaze approach forces you to lower your expectations, take risks, and write on the fly.

  Make no mistake: You will be writing a lot of crap. And that's a good thing. By forcing yourself to write so intensely, you are giving yourself permission to make mistakes. To forgo the endless tweaking and editing and just create. To build without tearing down."

  Sounds really good and a great way to get going, but I skipped over the part in the title that says National Novel Writing Month, after all it's not until November, and then in the middle of the night, about 2:00 am, I know because it was just after I went to bed, that it dawned (almost dawn) on me that this meant fiction. Fiction? Yes, fiction. It actually said fiction in one sentence further down in the instructions, but to my defense, only once. But of course, this makes it a whole other sport – ok a whole other ballgame, but we were in a marathon, remember!

  Now I know this I'm writing now is for August and they didn't specify either, and as this is my first go around, I think I'll be lenient. (There's no way am I going to go back and rewrite!) We will just move on from here and chalk it up to experience. 

  And that brings me to today's count. Including the extra I did yesterday, making a total of 887, add to it today's so far – about 300, equals – drum roll, please — 1,187! Alright! Only 3,813 words to go! And right on schedule as well! Now we'll see if I can keep going tomorrow…..tune in – will it be fact or fiction?

(This is a continuation of yesterday’s post (I know it says Part 2, but I have to have some kind of introduction!))

   And of course, this one is for August. Now for the count…how do you find the count without actually counting each word?  I knew of a way at one time… So I’ll do what any self-respecting modern day, otherwise illiterate, but still gotta have a computer person does… I’ll google it!

   Bingo, they even have a spot to copy and paste in your words and a button to click – Calculate Words – and presto-changeo – you’ve got your count! (See what I mean about not actually knowing anything – hey, Einstein was reported to say that he didn’t need to know everything, just where to find it – hey, I’m as smart as Einstein!) And did I include all these paragraphs describing all this? You bet! Remember – I’m smart!

   Well – took me a moment to figure out how to work the gizmo – and hooray! Up through that last paragraph I had 600 words! Wow, this means I can wrap this up any time soon. Of course any that I write today, I won’t have to write later, hence the reason I’m still typing. And remember, none of this is suppose to be edited or even make any sense. So even though I didn’t edit it…ok maybe a little bit of spell check…there is sort of a theme going on, which makes it have sort of a kind of sense. I wonder if that’s allowed?

   To get this posted, I’m going to have to stop now, stop now, STOP!

   All right already, check in tomorrow, hopefully I’ll write the rest of my 500 words for that day and get them posted as well. Until then – toodly doo!

   PS. Thought I'd write a postscript. AAAHHHHH! I am panicking. But it will be ok, I know it will just take each day at a time. (Got about 769 now, hehe)Whose idea was it to put this on my website? I'm supposed to be making shorter post. Okay, so I will post sections of what I write, but not necessarily everything I write that day, because some days will be a lot and other days will be just a little. How's that? (I think I added 20 more words!)

    So I joined this writing contest, or I suppose it’s a contest; more of a marathon for writers. Thirty-one days to write however many of words you set as your goal, or ten days as the case may be, since I didn’t discover any of this until today. It is AugNoWri  or something or another. The main contest is in November, and yes it is NaNoWri, with something else in there I’m forgetting. That test has a goal of 50,000 words to write.

    That’s the gig. Just start writing and keep writing until the last day of the month or until you reach the goal listed. I’m preparing for November. This is kind of a 3k race getting ready for the big one. I wonder if you have to write complete sentences? Hmmm, or if just words count? Especially if they’re to, you know, get your mind rolling. Yep, that’s what this is for, to make yourself write, no matter what. So many words a day, no editing, no trying for perfection. No rhyme or reason – just writing. Of course, hopefully the long term goal will be to actually write a novel. Or something of that nature. It’s a challenge, made by yourself to yourself. Write!

    I wonder how many words I’ve written already. Hey, I’m doing good and feeling in the mood to write today, which is why I succumbed to this idea in the first place. Funny how fast that fades! I’m already busted! Okay, well not yet. As long as I keep adding something, I’m still in.

    My goal, realizing that I was starting the race in the homestretch instead of at the beginning, was set at 5,000 words. Ok, I don’t have a clue how many that is, but that was the smallest increment of count they were allowing. And I do know that means writing at least 500 words a day! At some point I’m going to need to stop and see how many words I have so I can have a picture in my mind of what my goal should look like.

    While typing all of this, I got this wonderful idea of my own. Wow – had to savor the moment. Anyway, I could post this on my website and keep a kind of journal of my journey, which means I need to look up the real name of this contest and actually put the website on here for others. It’s not too late to join the one for November, but I wouldn’t recommend the August one! Ok, let’s stop and take a count…

    Ok, forget the count for the moment. I looked up the real name, the November one is National Novel Writing Month, hence the NaNoWriMo, found at www.nanowrimo.org. And the August one would be August Novel Writing Month, found at http://augnowrimo.proboards.com.

((Tune in tomorrow for part two…Down For The Count))