One inevitable part of living through a hyper-intense creative burst is the coming down. Like walking out of the water and onto the sand after an exhilarating ride over the crest of an ocean wave on a mere piece of wood or fiberglass! Impossible! but you did it! And now as you stagger through the sand, legs weakened and emotions falling to a sigh. Wow, could I ever do that again? And even in the joy of that heroic triumph, you struggle to get your land legs and to keep believing in that moment. Later tonight you may feel overwhelmed and doubt the sanity of it all, but in the early morning light as the waves rise, nothing will keep you from grabbing your board and running straight into that rush again. This is the creative process.
After many years of experiencing these manic moments, one learns to identify every stage in the cycle that may run for a day, or as long as a couple of weeks. First is the incredable energy and multiple ideas running through your body and mind. The sense that nothing is an obstacle – the world is out there to be explored, discovered and conquered. The climb, the process is thrilling! There begins an urgency to not stop until the dream is realized.
The dream itself begins to divide and splinter into many side roads of equally brilliant conception. Don't take all of them! Target in on the strongest and most plausible and dive in headfirst. It grows and takes shape as some of the side roads get traveled anyway, leaving little bits of genius scattered on the fringes of one central creation.
Go over the process again and again, until one feels like it is no longer the excitement that propels you, but a driving force instead pushes you toward the finishing stretch. Slowly exhaustion begins to show underneath this false sense of energy without any relief. But you continue on until the first twinges of doubt slip in under the cover of no food or rest to speak of, and the threat of exposure. Now you recognize the end is near and you are beginning to loose ground. Here is where you make your final push to ensure that the dream is realized. The down-slide continues as you hang onto lingering threads of paths untraveled, and replays of the one you did follow. Time runs out. You finally sleep, restless and unsatisfying sleep, only to awaken to the feeling of shame and fear that you are about to be found out! You are a fraud!
This is the moment where you can go deep into fear, unbelief and remorse. Many times you continue going about your day, appearing to others as if nothing in the slightest is any different from any other day. Inside, though, it's like walls are pressing in on you from all sides and the air begins to darken. You can hit bottom – again.
Maybe this time won't be so far down and it eases up, eventually evening out and a sort of truce is found. Separate yourself from the process and ride it out until once again there is a partial acceptance and a symblance of peace. For a season – until an idea begins to form in the back of your mind, energy begins to flow, and a light comes on…
Stupid wave!